At around 10.5 months old, Bodhi started sleeping more regularly through the night. If you just started to read these letters, Bodhi is our son. Yes, it is amazing to sleep again, but I have my moments where I miss those middle of the night cuddles. Crazy, right?
Well...on a recent night, I had my cuddle time again with a baby who wasn’t feeling well. I rocked him and rocked him, something we rarely ever do anymore. And, as I rocked and rocked, I felt some tears slide down my cheeks. Why?
Because in less than a week, our baby will be one year old. ONE YEAR. And, oh how my world has changed. Oh, how this year has been filled to the brim with love and oh so much confusion. I felt those tears as I rocked our baby boy (toddler boy? When is he officially a toddler?) out of immense gratitude. We prayed and meditated and saw western doctors, eastern doctors and finally...when I returned to the things I loved, when I found joy in my life and slowed down, when I took time for true self-care and surrendered, then a baby took up space in my belly.
And, that baby -- we didn’t know he’d be a boy, let alone a Bodhi -- has really taken hold of my heart. To our dearest Bodhi Bear, thank you for choosing me as your mama and for teaching me what that looks like...for me and for you.
Stepping into the role of motherhood was a transformation in my life, not the first, but definitely the most recent. We all experience transformations over our lifetimes. Going off to school. Taking a month to backpack through the mountains. Leaving a job and starting your own. Studying through an intensive yoga training. Becoming a wife or a husband. Having a spiritual experience. These are milestones on our journey to coming home to ourselves, to digging our heels into what matters in life. They are reflections of our true nature, and reminders of our intuition, our strengths, and also our weaknesses.
Being Bodhi’s mother has reawakened trust in my own intuition. I’m a person who leans into what’s happening in her heart, but I also love to research and could be found in the wee hours of morning googling everything from how to reduce acid reflux to is this poop normal? Eventually, I learned to put down the computer, put down the books, and listen to him, to go with my gut. After all, all of the answers we seek are within, right?
Motherhood has made me painfully aware of my weaknesses, too. My crankiness when I’m sleepy. My fiery nature when I get frustrated (it’s true, y’all). But, it’s also brought out my strengths. Telling stories. Preparing nutritious meals. Getting lost in music and movement. It’s rekindled a tender heart, one that I once guarded and made space for only a few people. Bodhi has taught me that I always have more to give (even with said sleepiness). I can dig deeper and deeper for love and patience and courage.
Bodhi Bear, you are a constant reminder of miracles and awakening, and your name is a reflection of that. Yes, the big miracles, like pregnancy, but also all of the little ones, too. You’re a reminder to me of how those seemingly small moments in life have the ability to transform us to be and accept who we already are.
Happy Birthday, sweet boy. Thank you for showing me the way.
I may or may not have tears as I write this out to you, dear reader. I invite you to reflect on your own transformation(s) as I reflected on mine that night rocking in the dark. Maybe one moment in time comes up for you. Where were you? Who were you with? How did it shift you, change you, jolt you? How did it bring out the very best within? How did it teach you a little more about yourself? These moments are the essence of yoga. And, please take 2-3 minutes to write to me because I’d really love to know.
P.S. Have I mentioned how very excited I am for Teacher Training this fall? VERY. It seems like you are, too. We hit capacity this weekend for our program and after some thought (and late night convos with Eugene, aka the hubs), we're opening up a few more spaces. Please email me know if you'd like to chat for 20 - 30 minutes about this experience, and we can meet for tea.