I will be 100% honest with you. There have been a few weeks recently where I have been in a place that I’m not used to inhabiting. With family emergencies and decisions to make, I’ve felt lost, immensely sad, confused, frustrated - all very real human emotions. And, for some reason, when it rains it pours and it can be hard to see through the storm. We’ve all been there, right?
You know I’ve been prone to anxiety and panic attacks in the past, and whenever this sense of overwhelm and sadness creeps in, for me, it can be paralyzing. Like I don’t know where to begin...or end. I have a feeling you’ve been there, too. And, when sad things happen, it often magnifies other areas of life that you’ve swept under the rug.
This is where all those yoga teachings come into practice, right? A few years ago, I learned to stop fighting these moments, recognizing that the only way out is through. I’ve learned that there’s always a lesson, a transformation that’s happening amongst the feelings of grief and feeling lost. Oh, but it...sucks to experience it. And, what are we experiencing? In yoga, it’s called “tapas,” literally meaning “to burn.”
How do we get out of that feeling of being “stuck,” or trapped by pain, discontent, discomfort, hurt, confusion, loss? How do we recognize what the next step is? Well... we don’t just get out of it. But, we can learn that we are not those feelings. We feel and experience them for what they are, and trust that we will find happiness and peace within again. Meditating and rolling out your mat can allow you to hold space for processing these emotions. And, I always seem to find some happiness with a little movement, so it gives me hope.
The other day, I was practicing in my sunroom when a song came on that I hadn’t heard before - “Get Lost” by Bearson, featuring Ashe. As I’m pressing into my palms to step back into downward facing dog, rolling forward into a plank to set up for chaturanga, I listen, really start listening to the lyrics:
Calm the nerves, I'm a passenger
When I should be driving
Second guess my every step is undecided
Took another wrong turn again and found myself
'Cause you could only see in the end
That you’ve got to get lost to find yourself
Know you’ve got to hold on for something else
Cause you’ve got a lifetime to work it out
So you’ve got to get lost to find yourself
These lyrics reminded me that it’s okay. It’s really okay to feel loss, to feel pain, to get lost, and sometimes that’s necessary to transform you into the person you’re meant and long to be. That’s tapas. Go through the pain and discomfort, the burning. Be the driver. “It is the times of hopeless desperation that shape and mold us into someone of depth,” writes Deborah Adele.
I hope whatever grief or struggle that you are going through, that yoga can rescue you, too. Know that whatever you’re going through, you are always a well of peace. There will be joy.And, you are transforming into the person you’re meant to be. I hope Yoga Dear and our these teachings have created that space for you.
P.S. I would be remiss to not mention how wonderful my husband and our family have been throughout the last few weeks (texts, phone calls, and weekend hugs). And, speaking of the Yoga Dear hubs, Eugene, he’ll be stepping in to the Studio Manager role officially in late June. You might start seeing some emails from him! Bekah, our current Studio Manager, has been a rock for this studio over the last year and we will miss her deeply. #allthehugs